My choice words
01 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Anything. At all.
I’ve felt at a loss for words. Part of it lies in working out a similar routine each week and the other lies in reflections.
Reflections on days like 8 November, which marked a year since I arrived back to the States from South Africa. Though things are moving forward, I still have some tough days. I still have days where I struggle to find a sense of belonging in the place I find myself and where I question God on why Thrive Africa had to close and why my life (and the lives of many others) were turned upside down in the process.
I can’t say that I am any closer to understanding God’s plan in this today than I was at this time last year (though, I am thankful that my emotions are more stable about it at this point). However, I am grateful for opportunities. Opportunities to work, to love others, and to potentially return to Africa (oddly enough, I submitted my application to an organization in regards to the latter on 8 November).
If I had the choice, I probably would not would not have chosen things to work the way they have over the past year and a half. If I had the choice, I would still be doing life in South Africa and (likely) would be about to take my first furlough. But, if I had things that way, I would not have experienced the lessons God had for me this past year or seen His mercy and grace work so greatly. I would not have chosen things to work this way, but in a strange way, I’m glad they did.
R4TL
12 Oct 2011 Leave a Comment
I just found out about this on Sunday, but I am considering doing the 5k run/walk.
What is Run for Their Lives? Well, as the website puts it:
Run For Their Lives is a Run/Walk that aims to place the spotlight on sexual slavery worldwide.
The money raised goes to different ministries that help to rescue these people and bring hope to them.
Dog Tease
28 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
in For Fun
My dad shared this with me recently. It made me laugh since the two little fur balls that run around here like to beg whenever I’m in the kitchen.
A beautiful sight
11 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
A few months ago, a conversation with a friend left an impact on me as he talked about church (little c) verses Church (big c). There is a difference.
This morning, I got to experience Church.
Many people hear that word and think this:
But, this isn’t Church. That is simply a building.
So, what is the Church? The body of Christ followers. And, when the body comes together in Christ, it is a beautiful sight.
That’s what I saw this morning. A beautiful sight as throughout the sanctuary we broke into small groups and prayed. I don’t even know the names of the couple I joined, but we came together and it was lovely.
Today, this was the Church building:
Early morning thoughts
09 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
I realize that as I am typing this that it isn’t so early morning. But, when I woke up at 3AM and couldn’t get back to sleep, it was. And, that is where this originates. In the wee morning hours of tossing and turning…
As I was laying there, my mind drifted to the topic of forgiveness. Is it something I need to do more of? Probably. I say that not because I can say something happened two days ago that made me mad, but because there are always things creeping up from the past to which I need to apply it. You know… those situations that you haven’t thought about in weeks, months, years, etc. and then something reminds you of it and before you know it you’re angry all over again? Yep, I have plenty of those.
But, how do I let forgive? How do I let it go? Well, I can thank Andy Stanley for giving me a tip on this. I write it down. I (sometimes) write down a summary of what happened and then I make a list of who I need to forgive in the situation. I put down of what I am forgiving each person. If you think about it, this makes sense, because my anger is saying, “He/she/they owe me,” and this allows me to know what debt I am canceling. In all truth, this is usually as far as I go and what I’ve written is normally in my journal when I do this. But, Andy Stanley also suggests that you can burn or bury the paper.
So, why do I go through all the writing trouble? So that it serves as a reminder. The next time that situation comes to my mind, my temptation and habit will be to, once again, get angry. But, now, when I start to get angry at the person(s) again, I can stop myself and remember, “Oh wait… I forgave them. I don’t need to get angry about this.”
In all truth, this is difficult to do. It is a process. I might have to stop myself hundred times when I think of the situation again to keep myself from getting angry, but it just serves to remind me that I am still working through the pain. Forgiveness and then healing… eventually, I get to the point where I can think of what happened without being struck with the anger.
Anyhow… I think that’s it for now. If you are interested in reading a little about what I mentioned above about the Andy Stanley teaching, it is mentioned on this website. A Mayo clinic website had some interesting information of how “letting go” makes a physical difference on our health, too. I knew it could make differences on blood pressure, but I didn’t realize that it could lead to fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and chronic pain. Wow!
A wild dance
06 Sep 2011 Leave a Comment
Yesterday, as I drove to work, I listened to the song “I will not forget You” by Enter the Worship Circle. When it first started playing, it seemed rather fitting. It was overcast at the time and looked like rain and the first lines say, “Many men will drink the rain and turn to thank the clouds.” I continued listening and eventually it got to a line that says, “A wild dance I dance before you.”
In all truth, I am quite a visual thinker (that’s not always a good thing when people start describing things you’d rather not picture). I saw myself, though, in the moments as that played standing up to dance… to praise God. Even though I’ve been doing that, it seemed like yesterday I was able to say, “Okay, God, you have this. Even if things don’t go as I imagine or want, I can still praise You with as much passion as I have.”
So today, I set out to do that wild dance. Mostly figuratively, of course, but maybe I will throw in an actual step or two. ;-)
A story from my sleep
29 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
While I wait for my laundry to finish, I take time to write. It seems like lately, I have been remembering my dreams more. Most of them haven’t been anything extraordinary… I think in several of them have been work-based. This wasn’t the case for the one last night.
From what I can recall of the dream, it started out with being on a mission trip and we were out in a city. I remember at first thinking that I was in Africa, but since all the people I saw looked Asian, I have no idea where I was supposed to be. In the process of walking, I managed to get separated from the rest of the team (that’s something I wouldn’t want to happen in real life) and began walking through the city looking for my friends or for the place we were staying. I felt like I was going in circles at one point, so I obviously wasn’t being successful in finding anything.
Though parts of wandering around were strange (i.e. – the sites, roadways, etc.), the part that really stuck out to me was this. At one point I walked down a dirt road that was at the outskirts of a poor section of the city. I saw women and children outside by the street and there was a young girl wearing a dirty tan dress. I was told that they (her family) gave what they earned so that the orphans (that were nearby) could live.
I was hit by that in the dream and when I woke up. There was a family that didn’t have many physical possessions, but because they cared so much, they gave what they had for the orphans in their area. They wanted those children to live… to survive. An impacting dream to say the least and one that will be remembered.
Within the doors
19 Aug 2011 1 Comment
in Thoughts
As I go to and visit churches, I look around at the people. Depending on where I am, I might see people that I’ve known for years or some that I’ve never met. And, a lingering question sometimes hits me as I look at the faces, “Do they really know?”
I hear many, many people say, “Yeah, I’m a Christian,” but what does that mean to them? It seems for far too many, it means they gather on Sunday and are nice to others because they are supposed to do these things. They know God intellectually, but their relationship with Him lacks. Their Bible goes unread most days and they miss the chance to discover more about the God who created them.
As someone who has worked in overseas ministry, I know that the above doesn’t just apply to those in the United States. I’ve met teenagers in Africa that are the same way. It takes a lot of time to help them realize that they are lacking something… lacking God. In many ways, they are the hardest to reach, but I still love them. And, I continue to love them, even as my heart breaks for them to know Christ’s love, so that they don’t perish within the doors of a church building.
